Sunday, January 23, 2011

inside me theres anger.
because of her,yesterday and today.
and little bit of myself.

because of ,she borrow money from me.after minutes of 'caring conversation'.I am so down because I suspect of the conversation before is a real care or just open conversation to borrow money from me?And I am down because I dont like to see the people I care have this kind of life,get used to borrow money always.I hope they can have comfort life,at least managable finacial status!
'
Because of myself,I dont know whatt to do is right.If I  don't borrow its like being selfish to her,If borrow her,is like supporting her bad habit.And I don't know what to do can really help her and I  feel good myself at the same time.Finally,I borrow her,but I doesn't feel good until this moment as I realize I'm not doing thing in a getting better result way.

Today,grandma call me ask me If I go back tonight,ask me to bring them out for dinner as her family went for wedding dinner.
I am so upset,She borrow money from me of reason to buy vege,and she didnt! Secondly,she just do her thing ,just like that,and expect me as spare tyre,to bring them out??!!! I love bringing them out to eat...But not in this way!!! They just take it from granted!! I am so upset!!

Dont bring them,Its like Im so Careless,and I hate leave them alone,and helpless!I hate it!
Bring them,I dont like to so easily meet their expetation till they are more and more take it from granted!

Next time I wont borrow her money.
I dont want to support her bad habit by doing this.
Next time I wont agree on what they expect me to do,unless earlier inform and by requesting.Its not I HAVE TO be spare tyre!  I will do it MY WAY where my love and care is not waste in being taken for granted!!

I hope them know that I love them even though Im not doing thing they want me to do.
I hope they can take care of themself and don't rely on others and think people should help.
I hope she can manage her life and finacial well that will good for her and her parents.
I hope everyone happy.
I hope I can do something meaningful instead of swallow angerness.
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This is me

I am Malaysian Chinese Girl. Day job in Partial of ID industry as sales designer(not really designer)... Night,a not-A-class performer,as a singer sometime cum guitarist at not-A-class place,sometime at function like wedding dinner,opening or event like beauty contest. tried to be MC once for opening ceremony. considerably talented(music,art...) but underdeveloped. An ugly duckling,have different life with people around me.Most of the time comfortable and prefer my current social status. full of to do list(wishes) for my life,always. finding my way to expand every aspect of life and want to live life to fullest.